Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Appropriate play with toys / Dad mystery

One things that's semi new with Adam is that he plays with toys appropriately more and more. He's 8 now, and can now be seen playing with his former toys (now given to our 3 year old son), but he's rediscovering them and actually playing with toy cars by rolling them around on the carpet and such. He never really did this much before, but would do things instead like, take blocks, line them up on a table, and then push the line along so that one would fall down into a wooden block container and make a loud noise that would make him giggle. It was really just an elaborate noise self-stimulation. Now, though, you can actually catch him in our son's toy room and see him playing with cars by rolling them around on the floor. That's kinda cool. I noticed this yesterday and the day before.

Today, Adam was well behaved, and had an okay Speech Therapy session. Some progress, some stayin the same. Bedtime routine went well here and he poured the water over his own head for bathtime, and was willing to do some of the lathering of shampoo into his hair. He's getting modestly better at drying himself with a ton of verbal and visual prompting, but there's work to do here. Dunno if dad/grandma make him dry himself over at their house on the weekends, but I've mentioned it before.

Adam's sleeping in the next room here, and has been coughing a bit which makes me hope he's not catching something. He'll cough something that sounds productive, and then we cringe to see him kinda chew with his mouth, and not spit anything out... Ick. Swallowing all that mucous. Meh. But, I haven't heard a cough since I started typing, so maybe he'll get through the night just fine.

Tonight, we got some carryout food and went to Grandma's/Dad's after afternoon therapy tonight to celebrate Adam's Dad's 1 month-iversary of sobriety. It's something I wanted to do so that Adam's Dad would get some positive attention from his family and me, instead of the usual highlighting of when he screws up. He has been (comparatively) great this past month since his discharge from his 5 day hospital stay for pancreatitis (3rd time now, yay alcoholism!).

Unfortunately, he wasn't there.

Now there are two possible explanations: 1) his company actually is working hard toward a deadline and he's working overtime, which would mesh with things he's said recently as there is a production deadline they're working this week. Or... ironically, or 2) maybe he's taken to--as he has before--going to a buddy's to drink after work so it's out of sight at home. If it was #2, the congratulations card signed by his brother, sister, me, and his mom will generate a great degree of guilt when he gets home, but guilt has never helped anyone get sober, though. I have a nagging feeling he's not as sober as he claims to be because when I've asked if he's stayed sober, his answers have not had the conviction they did in weeks 1/2 about him not having the urge. I dearly wish he'd get help with his sobriety via 12-step, but getting Asian immigrants to do 12 step is like pulling teeth though. As the wife explains, it's just not in the culture to show up in public at a meeting that says "hey look, I have a really serious embarrassing for the family problem and I need y'all's help." No wonder AA skews heavily white, and heavily Christian.

As loved ones of an addict, we have to abide by the mantra too--we're powerless over his disease just as much as he is--and if he's gonna get well, it's not going to be because we want if for him, HE's gotta really want it. And even then, he may not realize it, but statistically, he's gonna need help each day to keep sober.

He's in a bit of an enablement cocoon over there with Mom and 2 brothers in the same household, where no matter what he does, he'll have a place to sleep, and Mom being under the same roof won't throw him out on the street, and with a special needs child who needs his continued employment/medical care, the bottom he'll ever be allowed to hit is a pretty high one.

So for now, I'm keeping the good sober weekend we all had in mind,remembering that 3 weeks ago I somehow got him out of the house to join us all in a trip to the arboretum with his son (essentially unprecedented)....and being cautiously optimistic that maybe he really was working overtime tonight.

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